Conversations Being Done In Agony

An inescapable part of being, an essay on agonizing encounters

Agustinus Theodorus
3 min readFeb 29, 2020


If experience has taught me anything it’s that we have an innate need to talk-things-out. It brings peace and serenity to a soul so deeply overwhelmed with agony and hate. It feels like a burden is lifted off of the mind and that clarity is achieved once more.

Conversations are the best cure for deep sadness, worry, and hatred. It mends the mind acting upon a primordial feeling of happiness and togetherness in a situation that seems, upon looking at it shortly inescapable. A peaceful state of mind cannot be achieved with conversation alone but also with a wish of reinvigoration. Because the peaceful state of mind is not one to be achieved but to be honed. It is one of those forgotten skillsets that needs to be practiced extensively and patiently.

Sometimes in the vigor of the conversation, it is easy to be lost in it. It is easy to feel an overwhelming fulfillment being with another person with the same state of mind. Never mistake it with happiness with that individual but always remember that the moment happened because of multiple factors. The individual in the conversation might have been in the right mood or accidentally being in the correct state of mind. It does not mean that the conversation would be spontaneously fulfilling with that same person every time. Though sometimes a fulfilling conversation with the same person can happen more than once, resulting in an everlasting relationship.

I am not implying that everlasting relationships are built on conversations. Conversations can tell a lot about the interlocutor, but it isn’t enough to define them. Don’t ever think that a good conversation is enough to make someone a good friend.

What of the other end of the spectrum? Only discussing the greatness of a good conversation is naive. A small fraction of all conversations are good and meaningful. The rest are sometimes just wishy-washy and an interactive mess of a show. Monologues are one of them. Being in a conversation with a self-minded individual is a moment that most people dread. I am talking about meetings when you felt that you weren’t listened to or conversations you had that seem one-sided. A moment when all of our words are not listened to, our points are ignored and the self is humiliated.

Though the humiliation is subtle and pointing out the faults of the other might not be the right choice. Wrongfully doing so will result in an uncomfortable comment or worse, another monologue on how it is not so. Those individuals are more common than not, listening in a conversation is one of the hardest things to do. Some of us are not good listeners, I am well sure that I am not. Meeting good listeners would be one of the most joyful moments in our lives. We finally found someone who understands us or someone who is willing to listen to our mindless blabbering. Though being one might not be in your wishlist.

Complaining about loneliness, when we are not willing to let go of our innate feeling to speak over others. Trying to find external things to make us feel listened to, but not truly listening to ourselves. Making robots to help us cope with the reality of our sad life but unable to make relationships meaningful by giving more to others. Being trapped in agony, locked away by our own state of mind. Try to listen to others, monologues are not fun.

It must be said that listening and not talking is also not an optimal state of being, there requires balance in how we interact with one another. It is not possible to have a conversation without listeners. But there would be no conversations if no one would start. Each day is a chance to learn how to be a better talker/listener. We owe it to ourselves to live to our best.